Smear campaigns

An abuser loves a good smear campaign. And they have to start it long before you truly realise how abusive they are, long before you leave them.

Whilst you sleep next to them they are smearing your name. Whilst you are trying so hard, so damn hard to keep them happy, they are smearing your name. Whilst they tell you they love you, yep you guessed it, they are smearing your name. They have to. When you leave you will eventually speak about them and what they did. They know and this is why they have to get in first. They have to make sure you are left with nothing and no one (it makes it so much harder for you to actually leave then).

You’ll know when it’s happening, you just might not be able to prove it straight away (if ever) and you’ll wonder if you’re going mad. If you mention anything to your abuser they will tell you it’s all in your head, that perhaps you could do with some sort of help.

I knew there was a smear campaign going on. I knew how deep it ran, how much damage had been done but I didn’t really realise just how early on it started. That’s been the kicker for me, just how soon it started. Do i wish it was different? of course. Will i try to right the things that have been said, the lies that have been told, the twisted truth? nope. The smear campaign, whilst horrible and terribly damaging to many people, has brought clarity. Some of these people knew me many, many years. The fact that they have listened, believed, without ever once asking me tells me everything i need to know about them as people.

The smear campaign has also shown me a lot about myself.

My resilience.

My grace.

My dignity.

All attributes my abuser does not possess and will never possess.