Post separation abuse

So often, the fear of post separation abuse keeps a victim trapped in the abusive relationship. So often it’s a case of ‘better the devil you know’. Plus, when you have children with your abuser, staying with them means you think you can better protect your children. I know that it took me such a long time to leave for good because I believed that i could better protect my daughter by staying. I realised that by staying I would end up dead and then I would never be able to protect my daughter again. And so I left, understanding that there will be times when I can not protect her as I cannot be there. But, she will have a strong, healthy, happy mother to return home to after each contact, a mother who will raise her voice when her daughters is being ignored. A mother who will raise her voice when he daughter tells her she too is being abused.

With leaving came many wonderful things, but it also brought with it post separation abuse via the courts, social services and directly from himself. Police bail did, and does nothing. A world run by men for men does nothing to protect the women and children in it. Misogyny is rife. The number of men and boys being indoctrinated by the incel community is horrifying. Statistics show that the first 12 months after a woman leaves her abuser are the most dangerous, the time period during which she is most likely to be killed be her former partner. A huge part of me understands that it is this way simply because women are so often ignored. Our experiences minimised, our in depth knowledge of our abuser ignored, our concerns brushed aside. Until it’s too late. Then the ones who are left hear cries of ‘we will learn lessons’ – lessons which are never, ever learnt because lets face it, we are just women and us and our experiences are not as important as a mans nor his life.